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Why do I Censor Myself on Instagram?
I didn't used to & that was a mistake.
Kathleen Hema
July 30, 2025
“This lady is out here telling us to have the sex talk but can’t even write the word correctly! It’s not a bad word.” -IG commenters
(Recent comment from a now deactivated or deleted account. Ironic?)
I get comments like this all the time.
Yes, I teach sex education. Yes, I’m comfortable talking about sex. Yes, I misspell sex on all social media platforms. Why do I do this? It’s simple really. I didn’t always used to do this and my views and reach were dismal. Let me explain ⤵️
In 2020, I started posting to YouTube and Instagram. In these early years, I didn’t censor my language. I would say the words and correctly spell out the words associated with the sex talks. My videos weren’t highly edited or over-produced as I was still learning how to be a content creator.
In 2021, I joined TikTok and saw how (almost) all of the content creators would automatically censor themselves. It seemed to be an unwritten rule amongst the creators on TikTok. After reaching out to TikToker - Madeline Gregg, I found out that TikTok would send out strikes to creators for mentioning certain words or discussing certain topics. And after 3 strikes, your account is banned! This was when I decided to play the content creation game by the TikTok rules; I started to censor myself and within a few months - I gained momentum on TikTok and grew my audience!
With a bigger audience came active engagement and I started to spend more and more time on TikTok - censored of course.
In 2024, I had a colleague tell me to repurpose my TikToks to Instagram. As I started to do that, I immediately noticed that my reach was completely different! My self-censored content was doing much better than my original, uncensored content.
I dove in and I began to self-censor everything I wrote on the screen for all platforms. And guess what? The algorithm rewarded me for it! I consistently had better reach. More engagement. More shares. And more clicks to my website. I decided to actually test this theory last month.
I created a video and then duplicated it. On one of the videos I censored the words and on the other video I did not. I posted both videos at the same time. Guess which video performed better overall?
 Posted at the same time - both started with 0 views of course! |  Over a week later - one of the videos was up 10K views! |
Did you say the censored video performed better? Yup! You would be correct.
I understand why the algorithm aims to suppress sexualized content. I get it.
While my videos are not sexualized, the algorithm is unable to differentiate between educational and adult entertainment content. Therefore, I try to help the algorithm out. And this means I intentionally misspell words.
I do this because it reaches you! YOU - the parent looking for guidance on how to answer that sex question that you didn’t think your 8 year-old was going to ask until they were at least 13!
I self-censor because I receive comments from y’all saying, “I’m so glad I found you!” and “I love your content! It’s helping me to feel less anxious about these talks!”
Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok are borrowed spaces. Meaning - I get to be there as long as I adhere to their community guidelines. So I do.
In my own spaces, I never censor myself. Not in the Topics in a Jar activities (for ages 8-13) nor the Complete Guide to the Early Sex Talks (for ages 4-6) nor my free Sex Talks Starter Pack (for all ages) nor my signature Top Talks Video Guide (for ages 7+). Because those are my paid spaces. (I don’t censor myself here either because I pay for this space, but sometimes email providers will suppress delivery of emails that contain certain words in the subject line.)
Comments like the one above doesn’t take into account that these platforms will delete a video without warning. Will issue a strike without review. Will delete your account if they deem it necessary. I already experienced this on YouTube and Instagram and therefore I will continue to self-censor on all of these platforms. I hope you understand.
If you were in my position. Would you do the same? Would you self-censor in order to reach more parents and clients? I would love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to respond to this email with your opinion.
This week on the Modern-Day Sex Talks Podcast, Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein (pronounced STEEN like QUEEN👑) joins me for a Sexy Podcast. We discuss what sexy means, if the meaning is different for men and women in 2025, and how to explain what sexy is to our kids. You get an early viewing of the podcast before it goes LIVE to the public tomorrow!
If you haven’t picked up Dr. Finkelstein’s book, Sexism and Sensibility: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in a Modern World - please do (this link is an affiliate link and at no additional cost to you, I’ll receive a small commission on your purchase!)
The book is full of insight, research, and tips that have shaped my parenting journey!
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You always have a choice when choosing who to follow and I wildly appreciate each of you following me here and on the socials! You’re raising kids and I’m raising kids and we all want our kids to experience healthy and supportive friendships and relationships now and in the future. Thank you for educating your kids! -Kathleen
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