Should you really have the Porn Talk at 4 years-old?

There’s been a few videos circulating on social media recently telling parents to explain what porn is to their 8, 6, & even 4 year-old. Why are they saying this? Is it age-appropriate? Is it evidence-based parenting guidance or is it preying upon parents fears around porn? Let’s answer these questions.

Should you explain what porn is to your 4 year-old? No. It’s not age-appropriate. So then why are you being told to say this to your kid?

Generally speaking, it taps into a common fear many parents have regarding their child unintentionally viewing porn online. No parent wants their kid to see something online that is not intended for children to see. But you don’t hear folks telling parents to tell their 4 year-old, “you might see people punching other people online” or “you might see people killing animals online.” What parents are being told is that they should explicitly say to their 4 year-old, “you might see naked people online” - this is not sex education! This is using a parent’s fear of porn to have an age-inappropriate sex talk.

If you want to ensure that your kid has the knowledge and skills to understand what porn is and why it’s not something intended for children to see, then start preparing to layer the sex talks at 4 years-old.

This means during the Primary Age (ages 4,5,6) you:

• develop your parenting habits to encourage your child’s questions

• learn how to age-appropriately answer those questions

• use medically-accurate terms for the genitals and reproductive organs

• build your confidence to explain where babies come from using a layered learning approach

• start setting and maintaining body boundaries to support their bodily autonomy

• create a home environment where your kid feels safe and comfortable to come to you with their concerns and questions

These talks build your child’s foundational knowledge to eventually having the sex talk in the Intermediate age and then a masturbation talk and porn talk at some point in the Middle School age (ages 10,11,12).

When you have a plan to age-appropriately layer the talks, you give your kid the space to critically-think. This stops you from having a sex talk out of fear! And instead allows you to confidently lead each talk so you build up your kid’s knowledge and skills to take care of their health now and in the future. 

Your 4 year-old doesn’t need a porn talk. They need you to confidently answer their sex questions in a medically-accurate and age-appropriate way. Don’t parent out of fear.

Get started building your confidence with the Complete Guide to the Early Talks.

If your kid is 7 years-old you can get ALL the information that’s inside the Complete Guide to the Early Talks PLUS the scripts on how to have the Sex Talk, Online Safety Talk, and Porn Talk in Top Talks.

Is it called Moana or Vaiana where you live?

There’s a new LIVE action Moana movie coming out. But the title of the movie was changed in some countries. Here’s why ⬇️

I developed Top Talks to help parents have the sex talks. But it’s not just a resource I sell to parents - I’m actively using it myself and it works! I have been layering the talks since my kids were toddlers while developing a home environment that encourages them to ask me their sex questions.

I’m currently going through the layers of the Online Safety Talk with my eldest as a way to build up to having the Porn Talk by the end of the summer. It’s going really well and I must contribute part of this success to having done Puberty Topics in a Jar last summer.

If your kid is going to turn 10 years-old next year, this is the summer to do Puberty Topics in a Jar and build out their foundational knowledge. It not only gives your kid the information they’re curious about but it does so in a fun and gameified way.

Don’t just take my word for it⤵️

Your kid is counting on you to have these talks with them! Let me help you to confidently and age-appropriately layer this information. You’ve got this! 💕 Kathleen