Are 9 year-olds really asking about 69?

It will usually happen before you’re ready. Maybe your kid tells you a 69 joke. Or you notice they giggle when they hear it’s 69 degrees today. Or they ask you, “What’s 69 mean? Because the whole class laughed when the math teacher said the answer was 69.”

Kids will start to realize that something is up with this number around the age of 10 - but they aren’t quite sure what it means or why it’s funny. They might ask you, “Why is 69 funny? or “What’s 69 mean?” This is your opportunity to educate them on what it is and why it’s not an appropriate joke for a kid to be saying.

But when I tell parents to be prepared to explain what 69 is to their Intermediate (7,8,9) or Middle school (10,11,12) age kid, I will get a handful of parents pushing back. Saying, “my kid thinks it’s funny because 6 is an upside down 9 and I’m not about to ruin their innocence.”

Of course, as always, you know your child best! You will always have the final say in how you answer their sex questions. But here’s why I recommend to explain what is 69 when your kid asks.

1. First - It’s an age-appropriate, teachable moment to define what is sex - if you haven’t already.

2. Second - It’s an opportunity to broadly introduce sex jokes and sex slang that used amongst adults and why it’s inappropriate for kids to be saying.

3. Third - If your kid feels that you are withholding information from them, they may become more curious and decide that you are no longer the trustworthy adult who is willing to answer their questions and they will go looking for the answers elsewhere. (Do you really want your kid searching, ‘What does 69 mean’ on the internet?)

I had a parent DM me saying, “My 8 year-old asked me why is 69 funny? I haven’t even explained what is sex yet. Should I tell him? Is it just me or does 8 years-old seem too young to know about sexual positions.”

I’ll tell you what I told her. You are not explaining sexual positions to your 8 year-old. You are answering a question that they’ve asked in an age-appropriate way.

Many parents are simply caught off guard when their 8 year-old asks about sex or 69 because they’ve assumed their kids wouldn’t hear the words until they’re older. But here’s your reframe. Your kid is noticing people laughing at something they don’t find funny or they’ve heard a new word and are genuinely asking, “What’s sex?”

Your kid is listening to you, to other adults talking, to the radio, to the TV and to everything on social media! They are going to hear these terms. It’s up to you to know how to age-appropriately deliver the layers to the sex talk. Nowadays, this is basic prep for any modern-day parent who is planning to have the talks.

Here’s what you can say: