Is Porn the Problem?

“I think porn is the reason why we have to have the sex talk with our 8 year olds nowadays.” -a mom-friend

I’ve known this mom for a few years and she knows what I do, she follows me, and she’s having the talks with her kids. She shared with me that she believes porn is the problem and made this comment with passion and intensity.

Here’s the thing, I’m not saying porn isn’t the problem. There are many issues with sexualized media that are problematic. I’m saying the way we approach the porn talk as parents is the problem.

Most parents who reach out to me about having the porn talk, reach out because they view porn as problematic and they don’t want their kid to see it. So what they’ll usually ask me is, “How do I make sure my kid doesn’t watch it and think that’s what sex is?”

Making sure our kid doesn’t watch porn doesn’t start with telling them to not watch it. Think of it like this - making sure our kid doesn’t smoke doesn’t start with telling them not to smoke. Most kids will try smoking and most kids are also curious about what porn is.

Having talks with our kids about why we don’t want them to smoke & why we don’t want them to watch porn is a part of how we help our kids to make healthy and informed decisions. According to a 2022 Common Sense Media report, 73% of teens aged 13-17 had seen porn. The Internet has made porn so much more accessible that it’s somewhat rare a kid won’t see porn before they turn 18. (That’s not OK, but that’s a completely different point of discussion).