"It's MY Kid! I can give them kisses whenever I want."

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It was almost 6pm on a Wednesday and I was plating the lasagna when I heard the front door open. I continued to get dinner ready as I assumed it was just my husband getting home from work. I yelled out to my kids that it’s time for dinner and immediately they hurried down the stairs because who doesn’t love lasagna night? That’s when my husband walked into the kitchen and proceeded to give me a peck on the lips. My 5 year-old saw this interaction and said with authority, “that’s not OK Dad.”

He furrowed his brow and asked her, “What’s not OK?” She immediately responded, “You didn’t ask Mommy for a kiss. You just kissed her without asking! That’s not OK.” I smiled and looked at him and nodded, “She’s not wrong but she doesn’t know.” Which perked her ears up along with her defensiveness and firmly asked, “What don’t I know?”

Using consent language in the home is one of the 5 basic foundations to the early sex talks that I teach parents. Yet many parents will push back on this recommendation stating that it’s ‘withholding love from a child’ or ‘it’s making parent-child affection a transaction.’ Here’s why it’s a misconception.