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How I used my Sex Talks Formula to have a talk about smoking with my kid

When my Intermediate Age kid asked me, “Why do adults smoke?” after reading the packaging on a box of cigarettes that said, “Smokers die younger” I decided to dive into the topic. I know one day she will become an adult and will make a decision for herself whether or not to smoke. And I know I can’t control what she does but I can give her accurate information about smoking so that she can make an informed decision for herself in the future. While this isn’t a sex talk, I decided to apply my sex talk formula to aid me in having this conversation.

1. Provide medically-accurate and factual information about smoking, in an age-appropriate way, and

2. then share my family values and beliefs about smoking

Step 1: Provide Medically-Accurate Information in an Age-Appropriate Way

I immediately praised her question and asked, “Before I answer your question, why do you think kids are prohibited from buying cigarettes?” We chatted about it and established that for children, whose bodies are still growing and developing, smoking would harm their lung development. We talked about the breath of life and how without oxygen our lungs cannot support our bodies and we would die without medical assistance.

Then I shared, “We have learned through scientific research that when anybody smokes, the smoke goes into the lungs and starts to damage the lungs. Over time, the lung damage can become too much for the person to breathe properly and that’s when they start to have respiratory issues, this is more commonly known as breathing problems. And when a person can’t breathe properly and take in the oxygen their body needs to survive, what will happen to them?”

She understood and then repeated her initial question, “Then why do adults smoke?”

Step 2: Share My Family Values & Beliefs about Smoking

Here is where I used the ‘Some & Other’ Method for talking about the variety of beliefs about smoking. I wanted to be clear that an adult who smokes isn’t a ‘bad’ person, but someone who is making a choice for their body and health and that choice is their right to make.

I quickly shared with her that a long time ago when humans started to smoke, they didn’t really know how smoking could harm their lungs. Over time, scientific research found that cigarette smoking causes health issues that will ultimately lead to death because of the damage to the lungs. But by the time this information was made available, many people had been smoking for years. And when they tried to stop, it was really hard because of the ingredients inside the cigarettes.

So in order to answer your question, “Why do adults smoke?” there’s not 1 single answer. Because of the known health effects of smoking, there are laws that require cigarette companies to clearly inform consumers about it. That’s why the label was so large on the cigarettes. Yet, some adults choose to smoke because they just like it, while other adults say smoking makes them feel more relaxed. They are making a choice to smoke while I make the choice not to smoke because I believe smoking will negatively impact my health - just like the warning label says.

Then I followed up with, “I’m really glad you asked me this question because one day you will be adult and you will get to make decisions like this on whether or not to smoke and I want to make sure you have all the information necessary to make an informed choice. So, we will have more talks about smoking, vaping, and tobacco, which is the ingredient inside cigarettes, as you grow up.”

She immediately blurted out, “I’m never smoking - it smells awful.” I took that moment to connect with her as she felt comfortable sharing her opinion with me and just said, “yeah, it does.”

And that was it. I share this parenting moment with you because this is the same approach I teach parents to use when having The Porn Talk and explaining to their kid:

1. What is porn?

2. Why do adults watch porn?

If you’ve got a kid that is entering the Middle School Age (ages 10,11,12) and/or they have unmonitored access to the internet at times, now is a good time to start preparing for how to have a factual and age-appropriate Porn Talk. (Because for the majority of parents, this is the most difficult sex talk to have.) I teach you exactly how to easily layer this talk inside Top Talks. Check out the Free Preview ⬇️

5 Things every parent of a 4 year-old needs to know about having the Early Talks

If my kid turned 4 years old today, here are 5 things that I would start doing to get ready for the Early Talks ⤵️

If you haven’t grabbed my Starter Pack for the talks, now’s the time!

I’ve always said that I’m here to help parents where they’re at! If your goal is to start having the sex talks, I want to help you!!

I’ve designed Top Talks, The Early Guide, & the Topics in a Jar series to make it easy for you to get the talks going!

Don’t wait until your kid asks you a sex question to start learning how to answer it!

💕Kathleen