How I used my Sex Talks Formula to have a talk about smoking with my kid

When my Intermediate Age kid asked me, “Why do adults smoke?” after reading the packaging on a box of cigarettes that said, “Smokers die younger” I decided to dive into the topic. I know one day she will become an adult and will make a decision for herself whether or not to smoke. And I know I can’t control what she does but I can give her accurate information about smoking so that she can make an informed decision for herself in the future. While this isn’t a sex talk, I decided to apply my sex talk formula to aid me in having this conversation.

1. Provide medically-accurate and factual information about smoking, in an age-appropriate way, and

2. then share my family values and beliefs about smoking

Step 1: Provide Medically-Accurate Information in an Age-Appropriate Way

I immediately praised her question and asked, “Before I answer your question, why do you think kids are prohibited from buying cigarettes?” We chatted about it and established that for children, whose bodies are still growing and developing, smoking would harm their lung development. We talked about the breath of life and how without oxygen our lungs cannot support our bodies and we would die without medical assistance.

Then I shared, “We have learned through scientific research that when anybody smokes, the smoke goes into the lungs and starts to damage the lungs. Over time, the lung damage can become too much for the person to breathe properly and that’s when they start to have respiratory issues, this is more commonly known as breathing problems. And when a person can’t breathe properly and take in the oxygen their body needs to survive, what will happen to them?”

She understood and then repeated her initial question, “Then why do adults smoke?”

Step 2: Share My Family Values & Beliefs about Smoking

Here is where I used the ‘Some & Other’ Method for talking about the variety of beliefs about smoking. I wanted to be clear that an adult who smokes isn’t a ‘bad’ person, but someone who is making a choice for their body and health and that choice is their right to make.