Kids Don't Ask Sex Questions

“Mom, can I see where you pee from?” -4 year-old

Kids will genuinely ask questions out of plain ole curiosity that can make some parents feel squeamish - real fast! As an adult, you might be comfortable changing in front of your kids or taking a shower while they play trucks in the bathroom, but that question makes you uncomfortable.

Why is that?

🧠In your adult brain, you already have categorized the parts of your body into private and non-private parts. You most likely think of your genitals as a private and sexual part of your body. And your young child is asking to see, what you might describe as the most private part of your body. It’s totally valid to feel unsure about how to respond to this question because:

• You don’t want your kid to feel ashamed about asking it; or

• You don’t know if it’s OK to show your genitals to a child; or

• You’re wondering if someone asked them to see their genitals; or

• You’re not sure what is the acceptable, age-appropriate response to this question

That’s why I’m here! To break down the sex questions kids ask so that you feel ready to answer them! But Wait! Didn’t I title this, “Kids don’t ask sex questions?” Isn’t this a sex question - from a kid?

You’re right! It is a sex question but to a kid - it’s just a question! Kids will ask you a gajizillion questions in one day (I’m not exaggerating!) They are not categorizing their questions into science questions or ancient history questions. Nor are they thinking, “I’m going to ask my mom a health question or a sex question.” Kids just ask questions!

It’s us, the parents, who are quickly categorizing their question as a sex question and realizing that we don’t know the age-appropriate answer to give them.

So for this question, “Mom, can I see where you pee from?” we have to respond in a medically-accurate and age-appropriate way. Let’s say the kid asking you this question wasn’t your own kid. You might feel more comfortable to say no. But because it’s your own kid, there is a sense of closeness, trust, and honesty that you want to continue to foster. You want to respond in a way that doesn’t make your kid feel like you just shut them down. So here’s what you could say: