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Is 9 years old TOO early to have the Sex Talk?

Since I started working exclusively with parents in 2020, these are the Top 3 common concerns I hear regularly from parents about having The Sex Talk:

• “I don’t want to overwhelm my kid with information that she’s not interested in.”

• “It seems like it’s just a little too much information for a 9 year-old.”

• “I’d prefer to just explain vaginal sex right now and then tell him about the other types when he’s older?”

It really does seem like kids in the Intermediate (7,8,9) age are completely uninterested in learning about sex - which is basically true - kids aren’t interested in sex! Kids in the Intermediate age think the idea of sex is gross and are genuinely shocked to learn that sex is something adults do with other adults.

So why am I pushing you to have a talk that’s only going to gross your kid out?

1. It’s Age-Appropriate Information

Many parents tell me that they want to be the person to explain what sex is to their kid before anybody else does. They want their kid to hear this information from them so that they know their kid has accurate and factual information. If you can relate to this, then having the Sex Talk in the Intermediate (7,8,9) age is your best bet.

Most kids will hear the word sex at some point during this age and genuinely ask the question, “What’s sex?” To them it’s just a word that they don’t understand and are turning to you to get an answer. This isn’t pushing anything onto your kid, in fact it’s just a basic Q&A session. But make sure you know exactly how much information to give in this moment and how to age-appropriately respond to their follow-up questions. If you want to learn how to easily do this, it’s inside Top Talks!

2. It’s the next step in CSA Prevention

Most parents are having the Early Talks for the purposes of CSA prevention. They want to make sure their kid understands that nobody should be touching their genitals or anus. A clear CSA prevention message in the Primary (4,5,6) age does just that. “Your genitals are yours and nobody should be touching your genitals/anus and you shouldn’t be touching anybody else’s genitals/anus.”

The next step builds upon this original CSA prevention message by explaining what sex is at some point in the Intermediate age. This is layering the CSA prevention message that you’ve been saying since they were 4 years-old.

After you explain what sex is to them, you can go ahead and just make the connection for them, “This is why I’ve been saying since you were little, ‘Your genitals are yours and nobody should be touching your genitals/anus’ because that’s called sex and sex is not something children do.”

By taking your time to build up to this moment in your CSA Prevention talks, your kid won’t notice that you’ve had a plan all along but they will notice how important this is to you and that builds trust.

3. It’s Building Trust & Open Communication

Your kid is in the transition from young childhood to adolescence during the Intermediate age. They’re questioning more and more things and beginning to understand nuance. They’re noticing the world doesn’t operate in black and white and it’s a struggle at times for them to grasp these nuances. But when you give them medically-accurate and age-appropriate information about what sex is, they’re receiving clear & concise info that they can easily organize in their mind.

It’s in this moment that they notice you didn’t shy away from teaching them difficult things. They notice your willingness to answer their questions and give them information about anything! This builds a new connection between you and them where they feel heard and seen. So the next time they have a sex question (or any question really ) they won’t think twice about asking you!

Top Talks doesn’t just give you scripts, it builds your confidence to deliver each talk💪🏽

Deciding when the right time is for you to have the Where do Babies Come From talk and the Sex Talk shouldn’t be stressful! I designed Top Talks to make it easy for you to start having the talks at 7 years-old and keep them going through the Middle School years.

I have a kid transitioning to the Middle School age and I am preparing myself to have the Masturbation and Porn Talk in the upcoming years - so what did I do? I went and watched those lessons in Top Talks! Top Talks gives me the freedom to just focus on the talks that are most relevant to my kid, at this age, and then come back to the lessons when it’s time to move on.

Don’t let the sex talks stress you out! Find out if Top Talks is right for you with a free preview lesson and join the 400+ parents who are already enrolled!

I lost over 500 followers when I posted this…

but I’ll post it again because it’s that important to me. When I was a sex ed teacher, I worked with kids from all different backgrounds and it broke my heart when they would tell me that they can’t talk to their mom or dad about their sexuality out of fear. I made this post for them and all I ask is for you to consider trying out the exercise.

A little note 🫶 from me:

Getting comfortable to talk about where babies come from, sex, puberty, masturbation, and porn is not easy for most parents! I’ve made it my career to help parents like you!

Your kid will learn about these topics with or without your guidance. I want you to have the scripts that make you feel confident to have these talks and answer your kid’s sex questions - so that you’re actually looking forward to the next talk! (It’s true! Many parents get excited when they notice they’re moving on to the next layer!)

If your goal is to start having the sex talks today, this week, or this month, I’m ready to help you!!

I’ve designed all my resources to make it easy for you to start having Top Talks!

Don’t wait until your kid asks you a sex question to start learning how to answer it! Get ready now - or at least sometime this week! 🫶

Kathleen💕