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When your kid asks you a sex question - use the formula ⬇️

1️⃣Provide the medically-accurate information, in an 2️⃣age-appropriate way, and then 3️⃣share your family values.

Since I’m in the process of writing a book for parents, to be published by DK Publishing in 2027 on how to use this formula because it works so well - let me give you a sneak peek 👀 and then I’ll use the formula to answer the question, “How do lesbians have sex?”

1️⃣ Provide Medically-Accurate Information

When I was a sex ed teacher, kids would ask me all kinds of questions because they had “heard stuff” and needed me to confirm or deny if that stuff they’d heard was accurate or not. When kids don’t have a reliable source to fact-check information, they tend to believe and share more misinformation because they can’t suss out the fact from fiction themselves.

Don’t give your kid the chance to doubt you! Be their reliable and trustworthy, go-to person for sex information and give them the medically-accurate information from the moment they first ask you, where do babies come from?

But here’s the thing, the vast majority of medically-accurate information that is out there is not age-appropriate information for a young child! This is why I created Top Talks because layering information in an age-appropriate way truly helps to build your child’s critical thinking to better understand complex topics as they grow up (and it gives you the space to get more confident delivering small bits of information at a time!)

2️⃣ Make it Age-Appropriate

There are international, national, and organizational guidelines for sexuality education and I developed & structured Top Talks based off of the World Health Organization’s guidance coupled with my first-hand experience in the classroom as a sex ed teacher for nearly 10 years.

I saw the difference when kids received age-appropriate sex education early and regularly compared to a few one-off sex ed lessons during the teen years. A layered approach to the talks gave young kids a sense of pride when they started puberty. They felt more prepared and excited when they recognized a puberty change because they had already learned about it!

By the time they reached the Middle School age, they didn’t see sex as something mysterious or something that shouldn’t be discussed. Their incremental, age-appropriate sex education supported their bodily autonomy and understanding that sex was something only adults do.

If you are unsure about how to deliver age-appropriate talks, check out the free preview of Top Talks and I’ll walk you through it!

3️⃣ Share your Family Values

When kids receive medically-accurate and age-appropriate information about sex and sexuality before values-based opinions, this aids in reducing the spread of misinformation. This ensures that all kids have a baseline of information that can help them to take care of their sexual health. When kids have a solid foundation of the base information, that’s when I encourage parents to share their family values. Because sharing your values and beliefs is a perk of parenting.

When I was a sex ed teacher, I wouldn’t share my personal values and beliefs in the classroom because what I believe may be different to what each student believes. We all have values based off of our religious, cultural or personal beliefs around sex and sexuality and when parents lead with their values instead of the medically-accurate information, this can create misinformation and health consequences. 

“How do lesbians have sex?”

Let’s take this question from an 11 year-old and apply the 3 step-formula. By the age of the child and how the question is asked, it’s assumed they already know the meaning of lesbian.

1️⃣ Provide Medically-Accurate Information

Sex can be defined as physical and emotional behaviors involving intimate and erotic stimulation of the sexual and reproductive organs for pleasure or reproduction.

While this is a definition of what sex is, it’s not age-appropriate. There are a lot of terms in this broad definition that would also need to be explained. In order to layer this talk to eventually build up to explaining all of these terms, I have simplified the definition for an 11 year-old in the next step.

 2️⃣ Make it Age-Appropriate

Sex generally means three things. It’s when a penis goes into a vagina - that’s called vaginal sex. It’s also when a penis goes into an anus - that’s called anal sex. And it’s when a mouth goes on the genitals - that’s called oral sex. Sex is not something children do. It’s important for you to know what sex is and that children do not have sex. Which type of sex can 2 women participate in? (Which type of sex can 2 men participate in? Which type of sex can a man and a woman participate in?)

This response provides the medically-accurate information in an age-appropriate way. It also gives space to add additional information now or in the future about how adults expand on this basic definition of sex to include other types of sexual activity.

 3️⃣ Share your Family Values

You can now share your family values around when you believe it is appropriate to have sex. You can reiterate that children do not have sex and that sex is something adults only do with other adults when… and then share why you believe this due to your religious, cultural, or personal beliefs.

But if you’d just rather use my scripts to answer the common sex questions that kid’s ask - you can find 90+ answers inside Top Talks!

Why are the Private Parts Private?

This is a question that many young kids will ask when parents use the term private parts instead of the genitals. Here’s what you can say to your kid if they ask you this question⤵️

www.kathleenhema.com

Thank you for being here & getting prepared to answer your kid’s sex questions!

If you haven’t grabbed my free starter pack - What are you waiting for?

If you’ve got a question or topic that you’d like to see discussed here next week, simply reply to this email!

💕Kathleen