“My kid refuses to hug anyone!” This was the concern from a parent who reached out asking how she can scale back the No Means No talk that she had been doing since her child turned 2.

She had introduced the concept of body autonomy and started using consent language in order to support it. But now she feels she’s created a child who’s afraid to hug anyone.

A lot of the consent talks for young kids that we now implement in our homes stem from CSA (child sexual abuse) prevention programs. When I was a sex ed teacher in the classroom, consent was discussed in regards to the legal age of consent for sexual activity. But as more awareness grew around CSA prevention, there was a push to introduce the concept of consent to younger kids.

As a mom myself, I too introduced the concept of consent to my kids quite early in the toddler years. From my time in the classroom, I had heard from lots of teens that they couldn’t say no to sex with a partner because they felt that they were expected to have sex and if they did say no, their partner would likely leave them 😣. I want my kids to know that they can say NO at anytime and would still be loved. Love isn’t conditional on a hug or kiss; and even though they are a child, they have rights.

Children’s rights are not often talked about and are the rights that children have as an individual human being. Children are not the possession of their parents nor the state. They’re human beings who rely on adults for care and guidance as they grow and develop. With that concept in mind as a parent, my goal is to provide age-appropriate information so my kids can develop the knowledge and skills to become an independent adult while protecting them from potential harms that can impact that trajectory.

Teaching them body boundaries, consent language, and bodily autonomy align with that. But as with everything, this education isn’t siloed. Teaching children that they have body autonomy also parallels teaching them the social norms around meeting someone. Many children will observe their parent’s behavior as they develop their understanding of social norms. Let’s take a look at 2 scenarios ⬇️

These scenarios can explain how adults uphold their body boundaries while engaging in social norms. The social norm is to say hello while offering a physical gesture. It does not mean that in every situation a person must shake someone’s hand or give them a hug. But there’s a social expectation to say hello while waving, fist bumping, shaking hands, or hugging. You can do what feels most comfortable for you in each situation. Not all greetings will be the same!

In a world that is becoming more automated and digitized, teaching our kids social skills and social norms while holding space for lessons on consent language and body autonomy is a part of modern-day parenting.

I’ve been having these conversations with my own kids for some time now and it has helped to improve their confidence when meeting new people for the first time. They actively take control of the situation while maintaining their bodily boundaries! (I think it took me well into my 20s to develop a similar level of confidence!)

So, in my opinion, I don’t believe consent language has “gone too far.” From my observation it’s helping so many kids to feel empowered to say No without fear of hurting someone’s feelings. The balance here is providing context to our kids behind why we may go in for a hug versus offering a handshake when greeting someone.

“Kathleen - I just found out that my 11 year-old has seen porn. I haven’t even had the sex talk yet. What do I do?”

I hope you never have to DM me this ⬆️.

Getting prepared to have the talks means providing age-appropriate information about sex, puberty, masturbation, and porn. It is SO MUCH EASIER to prepare for these conversations when you’re actively leading the talks. ←What does this even mean? I’ve got ya! I’ve simplified it down to a sentence:

You’re prepared with answer to the sex question and are waiting for them to ask it - while also keeping an eye out for the signs that they’re ready for you to explain the topic if they don’t ask by a certain age! Dive into this concept of ‘leading the talks’ by watching the FREE Preview Lesson of Top Talks.

Are kids who attend public school more likely to stumble across adult videos compared to their private school peers?

I answer this question and address the statistics around the average age kids view porn in this week’s Highlight Reel.

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Answering the question, “Where do Babies Come From?” has never been so easy!!

The Complete Guide to the Early Sex Talks is for parents of kids in the Primary (4,5,6) age. It guides you through how to explain where babies come from without ever saying the word sex. It also gives you 25 common questions and answers that kids ask in the Primary age so you know what expect! Plus much more!

*Note: The Complete Guide to the Early Sex Talks does not explain how to have The Sex Talk. This is because it is not age-appropriate information for a kid in the Primary age. If you’re looking for how to have the Where do Babies Come From Talk AND the Sex Talk, that is in Top Talks. 

🥰Here’s what parents have to say:

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