I’ve seen a lot of fear-based sex education more recently & it’s bumming me out

I made a promise to myself when I started making content online - (actually I made a few promises to myself but let’s start with this promise first)! I promised myself that I would never use fear as a way to convince parents to have the sex talks. It was a hard line for me because before I became a content creator, I was a full-time scroller.

I scrolled IG and FB (this was before TT was a thing) and in between posts of my friend’s vacation, I was being shown reasons to be afraid as a parent - for things I didn’t even have on my radar. Afraid of the brand-new carseat I recently purchased, afraid of the way I fed my kid grapes, afraid of signing my kids up for too many activities. The parenting sphere on social media constantly made me feel anxious and worried when I was supposed to be scrolling for fun!!

When I set out to share my knowledge and guide parents to have medically-accurate and age-appropriate talks, I refused to use the fear playbook. There were 2 reasons for this.

1. The first was because I wanted (and still want) parents to feel supported and know that when my face pops up on their feed, they’re going to get practical information to support their parenting choices NOT be told that they should do something right now because something worse could happen if they don’t.

2. The second reason was because for a long time, fear-based sex education was the norm in sex ed classrooms - and it didn’t work!! 

In the 90’s and early 00’s, the type of sex education that was being funded by the federal government focused on abstinence-only education programs. The main focus was to teach teens that abstinence was the only 100% effective method for HIV/STI and pregnancy prevention. 

But here’s the problem: These abstinence-only education programs used a fear-based strategy. Instead of teaching students that condoms could be up to 98% effective at preventing pregnancy if used correctly and consistently, the programs focused on failure rates. Telling students that condoms are only effective at preventing pregnancy due to product defects or incorrect usage up to 87% of the time. (This focus on failure was playing into one’s fear of getting an STI instead of building one’s skills for informed sexual decision-making once abstinence was no longer an option).

Seeing abstinence-only programs play out in the classroom was extremely uncomfortable for me. That discomfort, all those years ago, had a huge influence on my Top Talks approach to teaching parents how to answer their kid’s sex questions.

It’s totally natural to feel scared or worried that your kid may get an STI one day or reproduce before they’ve finished high school. But that doesn’t mean you should scare them about sex or reproduction or porn. It means you’ve gotta give them the knowledge and skills to make informed decisions for themselves. And this doesn’t happen by chance. It starts early, with accurate and age-appropriate information from that very first sex question that kids ask, “Where do babies come from?”

• Learn how to layer each topic in an age-appropriate way inside Top Talks.

• Feel confident answering your kid’s sex questions!

• Know where the talks are headed at age 8, 10, and 12 years old and feel secure knowing what information to give - so that you’re not jumping ahead too soon!

• Know that the porn talk is completely unnecessary for your 5 year-old - and if you hear someone telling you to explain porn to a Primary age kid - they’re using a fear tactic!

I have a kid in the Middle School age right now and I’m in the process of diving into Layer 2 of the Online Safety Talk in preparation for the Porn talk. I know these talks are age-appropriate. I know I’ve given her the basic foundation to the Porn Talk by having already had the Sex and Masturbation Talk. Yet, even for me, I still take the time to get prepared before having a sex talk with my own kid. There’s no reason to feel embarrassed to get prepared - we all do it because it’s what’s best for our kids!

Don’t be afraid to have the talks. Acknowledge your hesitation and that feeling of nervousness and then do something about it!

If you have a kid that’s about to turn 10, 11, or 12 years old and you haven’t already had the sex talk - now’s a great time! Because there’s lots of important talks that’ll be happening in the Middle School Age and the foundation to them is the Sex Talk! You can see what those talks are in the free preview of Top Talks. 

Recently, I got this ❤️ comment!⬇️

If you’re looking for an easy way to start the talks with your almost 10 year-old - check out Puberty Topics in a Jar!

Your kid is counting on you! Your kid needs medically-accurate and age-appropriate information from a trusted source. Be their source!! -Kathleen 💕